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I guess the title
itself would catch many off by surprise, especially the regular
Muslim students here at UTSC. Well, this isn’t exactly the kind of
article one stumbles upon everyday, maybe that’s why. Right off the
back, some of you may find my 2 cents interesting or insightful and
then there are those of you who may be disgusted at my existence.
Well, whatever category you find yourself in, I suggest to just read
on and then judge! Firstly, I really don’t like using labels, but
for the sake of telling my story, I have to, so that many of you out
there will be able to comprehend. Secondly, I don’t intend through
this article to illustrate “I’m here and Queer” and “in your face”
kind of thing, but rather just to share with you how my life is
like, being young, Muslim and Queer. Despite already having a stigma
attached to you when you identify as being Muslim, there is a
greater indescribable stigma when you identify as being queer and
Muslim. Not only are you vulnerable to absurd levels of hate from
other, in addition, you stand to face a major backlash from others
in your own community at large. It’s like feeling isolated to even
greater extents. Don’t worry, I’m not going to give the whole ‘9
yards’ or rant about the sort of dramas your life takes on when
you’re queer because personally, it hurts mentally and emotionally,
to unexpose healing wounds. One thing I will say is that if you were
in my shoes, the mental/ spiritual anguish would just leave you
feeling hopeless and vulnerable to some major depression.
Although I
exhibited and currently exhibit many of the issues that young queers
face (and by using the term ‘queer’, I mean to encompass LGBQT…), what
makes my experience rather different from all the others you may have
heard about is that of the obvious, that I’m Muslim, but to add to
that, I’m from an Orthodox (Sunni) Muslim family. Now for some of you
queers out there who are from strong Catholic/ hardcore Orthodox
Jewish families may be able to identify. Like any good Muslim
boy/girl, I try my best to attend Mosque for Friday Services, fast
during the month of Ramadan, and often pray regularly. Praying…
something that I did a lot on my part, hoping that through it, God
would answer my prayers and make me ‘straight’. It was that and being
convinced that this was my so-called ‘test’ from God. At one point, I
even began to think there was something physically wrong with me
because I just didn’t “notice” girls in that kind of manner. At this
other time, I went down to the Clark’s Institute for mental health on
College St., hoping that they offered “gene-therapy” or some ‘special’
pills that would do the trick. I LAUGH NOW when I look back at the
stupid and foolish things I did and the kind of thoughts that use to
preoccupy my mind. It was mostly due to the types of values that many
of us are conditioned to when it comes to viewing the gay community.
Oh…you know, the usual ones: “Gays and Lesbians are bad”, “They are
mentally diseased”, therefore indulging in “abnormal” behaviour, and
other ridiculous views and comments that one can possibly think of.
Now, I’m not going
to cry my heart out on how being queer is not a choice, however, what
I will say is that no one purposely wakes up every morning and decides
that they want to undertake a serious challenge by choosing to be part
of a ruthlessly despised minority. Now, you folks who have made it or
are already in university, and given that you had to have a certain
degree of intellect to get here, I’m assuming, but more so, hoping
that you would comprehend ‘certain’ issues, like this one in
particular, with an open mind and look outside the nut-shell many of
choose to or are already enclosed in. Its tough enough being Queer and
Muslim, and furthermore, your constantly finding yourself on the
defensive, trying to educate people on their ignorance to the
negative/ stereotypical vies/images the media blasts out now and then
about queer folks. Well, this would be one of the things that most
Muslims are all too familiar with: trying to educate people on their
ignorance when it comes to Islam and its true values because the media
has a chronic tendency of demonizing the Islamic world by illuminating
false views and images. Not only do I have to defend my existence, but
also my religious beliefs as well. At the end of the day, yes, it can
be overwhelming, trying to bring light on the ignorance in your own
community when it comes to this issue (being queer and Muslim) and on
so many different levels with others when it comes to Islam. All this
and in addition, dealing with the everyday stresses of life.
However, coming to
except myself this past year has been truly a liberating experience
and it continues to be. I’m fortunate in a way because I’ve got great
support, awesome friends, and mostly everything I’ve wanted in life so
far, I have. Life threw me a basket full of lemons and I’m just in
the process of making lemonade! I’m grateful for my experiences
because they have made me come to appreciate life, opening my eyes to
the many great things and the everyday miracles that have come to be a
part of it all. Being queer does not mean that I have turned my back
on my religion. Islam is very much a big part of my life and continues
to be because it liberated me as a human being spiritually and
mentally and has helped me acquire certain levels of inner peace that
many are still striving for. My religion preaches the message of love,
hope, tolerance, and peace; key factors that have come to play a big
role in my own life as well as in the lives of most of the 1 billion
people around the world who choose to practice this faith. Life is
still a challenge, being queer and Muslim, but the ways I deal with my
situations and the results that follow make it all worth living for.
My life is neither a ‘walk in the park’, nor ‘living-hell’; its just
somewhere in the middle. The challenge that’s before me now is just
trying to maintain that fragile balance. As for you young Muslim
queers out there, just know that you are not alone and that there are
other Queer Muslims and Queer Muslim support groups and resources you
can access confidentially here in Toronto, just visit
www.salaamcanada.com or e-mail any questions you might have to:
salaam@salaamcanada.com. Secondly, remember that God (if you believe
in him) is full of love and is super accepting. God does not judge,
people do! Lastly, as for those in UTSC’s Muslim community who will
have issues knowing that among them, there is a person who’s queer ,
to that I say: a community that does not accept one of its own is not
a community at all!
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